Bethenny and Jason in St. Barts. Although I’m really happy for Bethenny and Jason, I have to say this week’s show was pretty slow.

But the good thing is that Bethenny is being very real. She’s not having her makeup done every second. She’s not getting all dressed up. In fact, I think she was looking a little dumpy. How mean of me. I know when you’re at that stage of pregnancy, nothing seems to look or feel good. But all the same, I think Bethenny could have dressed up just a tad.

And wow – it was amazing to see Bethenny eat. A lot. Like a real pregnant person. I did feel really sorry for Bethenny with her face and legs swelling up. I was lucky that my face did not swell when I was pregnant, but once when I was pregnant and traveling for work, I got to my hotel, lied down and got a glimpse of my ankles. YIKES! They had swollen sooo much from the airplane trip – it looked like elephantitis. In a panic, I called my OB/GYN and he tallked me down. So, Bethenny, I really do feel for you.

And, so far, Jason is holding up – still saying the right thing at the right time – telling Bethenny how the honeymoon is ending, but building a family is just starting. And, what a romantic dinner he planned on their last night at St. Barts with their table in a secluded are of the pool.

So, Bethenny and Jason are back in NY with Bethenny decorating the baby room and wanting only to have a happy healthy baby with a vagina! She cracks me up.

OK, we know the show was taped months ago, but I’m still looking forward to next week and the birth of Bethenny and Jason’s little girl.

Get ready for next week’s show with a Semi-HomeTested Cocktail, maybe the Sunburst Cooler.

Danielle drama.  AGAIN. Danielle’s crys of MY HAIR..MY HAIR.. I WANT TO GO HOME..I WANT THE POLICE… is worse than a B movie.  Are we really supposed to believe that Danielle is afraid of Teresa and Jacqueline?  Isn’t Danielle the one who last season threatened to come after everyone and that “she wouldn’t be alone” when she came knocking on their door?

Can the producers PLEASE get rid of Danielle, and return The Real Housewives of New Jersey to a sane level of women having fun and occasionally getting into b**ch sessions?

Teresa, did not let me down – she provided the comic relief in this whole crazy episode. Teresa made me laugh from her “Is Bi**ch Better?” remarks to Teresa’s humorous retelling of the evening’s events to her husband, Joe.

But do you know what is almost as annoying as Danielle trying to pass herself off as a scared innocent bystander? It’s Ashley. Why is Ashley suddenly a big part of the show? I don’t know about anyone else, but I have no interest in watching a spoiled, disrespectful teenager week after week. No matter what a BUTT Danielle is, Ashley should NOT have pulled Danielle’s hair, and Jacqueline is right to call her out on that.

But, hey, how funny was Jacqueline on the phone with the “energy psychic”? I loved when Jacqueline played games on her iphone while the psychic was sending her energy through the phone! And Jacqueline’s request to the “energy psychic” to WORK A LITTLE HARDER on Danielle was pretty funny.

Now, Ashley will most likely be facing legal charges. If Ashley’s smart, she’ll make nice with Jacqueline and her Dad, so they will help her out with that. Judging from Ashley’s contriteness on the “Watch What Happens” show with Andy Cohen, she is smartening up enough to pull herself out of that fire.

And Andy Cohen – can you look MORE uncomfortable on your own show? I would be uncomfortable too but why don’t you use your clout to change the cast on The Real Housewives of New Jersey?

What do you think? Who should go and who should stay on the cast of The Real Housewives of New Jersey next season?

Leave it to Teresa. To stir up the crazy in Danielle.

Teresa, Jacqueline, Ashley, Danielle, Kim D, and Kim G went to a fashion show. The camps were divided: Teresa, Jacqueline, and Kim D. at one table vs. Danielle, and Kim G (and an assortment of hangers on) at a table directly across from them.

Danielle even brought a ‘more acceptable’ thug/body guard so that Kim G. wouldn’t be offended.

The RHONJ managed to get through the dinner and fashion show with only flashes of angry looks darting at each other. Danielle spent most of the time fake cell phone talking since that is what her ‘buddy’ Paris Hilton taught her to do in stressful situations if Danielle needed to ‘diss’ anyone.

Then it happens. Teresa is missing. And where does Jacqueline find her? In the lobby. Waiting for Danielle. Waiting so Teresa can say Hello to Danielle. Oh Really!!!

Of course Teresa and Danielle take about 5 seconds to start swearing at each other and the show ends. The previews show what looks like someone getting into a physical fight – but probably not – I don’t think the producers want to be faced with lawsuits.

So, while you wait for next week’s episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, enjoy a SHIMMERING SHIVER (pg. 98 Sandra Lee semi-homemade Cocktail Time).

Yeah!!!! I am so glad I liked this Watermelon Splash (pg. 83 Sandra Lee semi-homemade Cocktail Time) cocktail.- I really like watermelon so I was really dissappointed last time when I made the Watermelon Fizz.

I think the real flavor difference is that the Watermelon Splash uses lemon-lime soda (I used diet 7-Up) which compliments the watermelon vodka perfectly. So why is the drink pink, you might ask? Just a touch of (I used diet) cranberry juice. It not only gives it a great color, but I think it takes the sweetness down just a notch to perfection.

So, LUSH IT, LUSH IT A LOT, or LEAVE IT? The Watermelon Splash hands down gets a Semi-HomeTested rating of LUSH IT A LOT!!!

Oh, but here’s a sad after splash – Teresa and Joe Guidici from Real Housewives of NJ filed for bankruptcy in October and apparently it just hit the papers this weekend!!

Finally! Some real housewives talk. When Teresa takes Gia to her audition and Teresa is in the waiting room with the other stage moms (and dads), she starts trouble the way the rest of us do.

By bragging on her kid. But not just bragging – bragging without realizing that she is trashing the other kids. “my Gia knows all her lines… my Gia has great grades…”. Don’t misunderstand, there’s nothing really wrong with what Teresa said, it’s just that when you watch the other parents while Teresa is putting the halo on Gia, you can see that they are taken aback! Their faces are saying ‘who the heck do you think you are’ and ‘crap… my kid doesn’t do everything perfect like that’.

Actually, the camera zeroed in on one dad rolling his eyes at Teresa – that pretty much summed up his belief in kids walking on water!

So take a lesson Danielle!!! You don’t need thugs to create drama! People can get upset over pretty much nothing.

And Dina created some pretty good drama too. I have to say, I would have said what I had to say to a person like Danielle on the phone and been done with it, but that doesn’t make for good TV. So off they go to a nice restaurant. Danielle with her paroled James Cagney wanna be bodyguard and Dina with her beautiful accessories (Dina really looks great doesn’t she?). I thought what Dina said was perfect. Her mistake was she didn’t get up and leave right after that.

Then it started to get pissy. I guess because it finally dawned on Danielle that Dina wasn’t there to apologize. So, we leave them this week, pointing into each others faces and hissing ‘no you listen to me’…

I am going to say that throughout this episode, I really enjoyed the (Ms. Sandra Lee semi-homemade Cocktail Time) Watermelon Splash cocktail. Try it next week!

“Would you put a bumper sticker on a Bentley?” THAT was the best line of the evening and it came as usual from Teresa!!!

This of course was in response to the tattoo guy asking Teresa if she wanted to get a tattoo while they were adding Adriana’s name to hubbie Joe’s tattoo. Ya gotta LOVE Teresa!!! But, did anyone else think Joe hesitated when the tattoo artist asked Joe if there is one or two n’s in Adriana’s name???? Not good Joe. Teresa jumped in for him, sparing us all the embarassment of someone not knowing their kids name!

So, that was the most interesting part of the evening. The rest was just Danielle creating drama so she had a reason to be in the show. Who wants to watch a bunch of cheap hoods bounce around dropping the ‘f’ bomb all night? I actually got a stomach ache from that — not entertaining to me at all.

And did anyone else think that Danielle’s new friend is a Debbie Reynolds look alike?? It’s sooo weird… I knew she reminded me of someone and it bugged me on and off all last week. Then 1/2 way through this week’s episode — BADA BING BADA BOOM — it came to me – Debbie Reynolds. The now Debbie, not the gorgeous debutante she was.

So really, that’s two things that entertained me in the show. But that’s it. PLEASE get better next week RHONJ – this could be a real series let down!!

Luckily, I had my Champagne Cosmo (pg. 74 Sandra Lee semi-homemade Cocktail book) that didn’t let me down.

It’s always the little brother! He’s going to be a businessman. He’s going to be in charge. He has the charm to pull it off…. usually. But will Chris’s idea to have a worldwide chain of Car Wash & Strippers be a reality? Well.. it could happen.

So his family sends him to their close friend and businessman extraordinaire. And just who is he? A guy in a suit managing a strip club. And his advice to Chris? “Don’t call it a strip club… call it a gentleman’s club”. Are you freak’n kidding me? This is going to make his mother, Caroline, proud?

Actually, if he just implements it Hooters style with the bustier (and bustiest) tops and Daisy Duke shorts, Chris will probably get Caroline’s blessing and end up making a pile of money. Maybe. I can think of sooooo many things that could go wrong with this plan. Being outside and on the streets is a weee bit different than being inside serving fries. Or maybe I’m kidding myself!

Anyway, at least it was something different from just the usual cat fighting!

BUT WAIT – we can’t leave Teresa out of our chat here. Was she too funny when after a very hard contraction, she weakly asks ‘Is my makeup ok’? Ya gotta love her. She’s so goofy-funny.  And Audriana  is truly a beautiful baby!!!

So, we have the return of crazy to look forward to next week with Demonic Danielle and her oh-so-tuff ex-con buddies. Did she meet them when she was a ‘working girl’? I’m betting they don’t even get in the door of the Brownstone!

Will next week on the Real Housewives of New Jersey be a table flipping event?  Will Teresa be there??  Can’t wait!!

Enjoy a Semi-HomeTested KIWI KOOLER while you wait!